When I wrote for the Mountain-Ear years ago, I wrote a column with the headline: Gentle Me. It was one of those hard times in my life like we all have. Well, this is another one of those times. I don’t feel comfortable talking about what is going on with Bill but trust me it is something that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. After 43 + years anything that affects either of us affects us both.

   I feel like I have just woken up in a nightmare. I have just failed my second mammogram, which means that I may have breast cancer. That disease runs rampant in my family. I have met with my surgeon and will have a lumpectomy on the 19 of this month. We have caught the cancer early enough that I can just have a lumpectomy. That is an answer to prayer. It is also a good reminder that getting your mammogram regularly is very important. Probably the most difficult part of that whole procedure is that starting on the 12^th I can not have any of my medications for pain nor can I have glucosomine and chondroitin, Gingo, or St. John’s wart which I usually take for depression. I can not take any of my herbal medications that I buy over the counter. That will last through the 21^st at the very least. They all could affect bleeding and my ability to stabilize my mood. I mostly I have to try to fight off depression. I know that when I accidentally miss many of those medications it affects my arthritic pain level. They will give me valium for the actual lumpectomy. However, they want me awake during the procedure.

   He is the same doctor who I had to struggle with for almost two years to get the care for my husband that he needed and needs. We lost valuable time while I struggled. I told him that I have lived with my husband for 43 + years and that I knew something wasn’t right.

   I got furious with that doctor. I’m not talking just a little mad. I was furious. I got up and said, “We’re done here.” I am getting a second opinion tomorrow. I am changing my doctor. I have a nursing background and I want a doctor who at least listens to me before he or she puts me on more psychogenic medication. I said, “I want a CT scan (commonly referred to as a cat scan).” After I cried with a very old friend who happens to be one of his nurses, she said, “I’ll try to get you a CT scan. She was able to do that but I was afraid that if the doctor had written that my symptoms were due to stress and the CT scan came back negative that my insurance wouldn’t pay for it.

   I am now a patient of Dr. Susan Morrison here in Ned. She did an in cursery exam of my neurological functioning and agrees with my assessment that I probably have a concussion. She has loaned me a walker for stability and has referred me directly to the head trauma team I requested. I will call them Monday. Things have been happening pretty fast. Mostly things are happening for the good but my stress level has pretty much peaked out. I had to be pretty ASSERTIVE to get my needs met.

   Here’s my point. Some things are just worth getting angry about! I didn’t yell at my doctor of 22 years but I’m sure that he felt that I was scolding him. I was scolding him! He patronized me and I hate that. I always have. Some times I have had to put up with it if the person was my boss but he WAS just my doctor and there are many doctors in the Denver metro area and even in our own little mountain towns. I didn’t swear at him. I just wanted him to listen to me and he would not. I hate it when I have to get cranky to get my needs met. However, I may be almost 65 years old but I am not a dummy and I resent anyone, no matter what their standing in the world to treat me like I have nothing to say that is worth hearing.  

   I may need to take a few weeks off. I’m told that I need to rest and get as much crisis out of my life as possible. This would be one deadline that I could eliminate from my life until things settle down just a bit. I plan to run some reruns of favorites from this column. They will not necessarily be sequential so just be patient. I would love to write about how Bill and I met and how different stages of our marriage that have been powerful turning points in our lives. I may also occasionally write a new article to update you of my health status or the health of my husband or new thoughts that I want to put to paper without a deadline.